Random Acts of "Kindness"

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ANGEL TREE

It is the middle of February and our Christmas tree is still taking center stage. Well — not exactly our Christmas tree. Most of the lights and ornaments were retired at the end of January. I planned to take the whole tree down. But just as it often happens to my plans, things changed.

First I went shopping and met a woman who has kept her Christmas tree up, decorated for 10 years since her husband passed. First — she LOVES her tree. Second — she LOVES the ornaments that are on the tree. Third — her tree is twelve feet tall, and old and she is afraid that if they take it down they will NEVER be able to get it back up again.

I shared the idea with my children. THEY WERE NOT IMPRESSED! But one of my daughters suggested I make it into a Valentine tree. Of course, she was only joking. BUT the longer I thought about the idea, the more I thought about turning the tree into an angel tree. My husband’s birthday is in February. The anniversary of my father’s passing is an February AND my father’s birthday is also in February.

Over the years I have been given many angels. Soon after I wrote TO PAP WITH LOVE, I had a dream in which I was a pilot on a Blue Angel plane. I didn’t tell any of my children about the dream but that Christmas I received three sets of angels. One set of three are about 4″ angels playing a long flute. The second set of three look like icicles playing instruments. The third set is angel wings.

When I was young I bought a small set of six angels playing instruments. The year after I received the three sets of angels there is what I refer to as an angel skirmish. When I placed an angel on the tree they fell off. Over and over again. I’ve was NOT HONORING my older angels. Placing the new ones on first. I’ve learned my lesson, THAT NO LONGER HAPPENS.

Over the years I have added to my angel collection — four dogs and one cat. I have not gone back in time to add angels for all of our pets that have passed. At times I have added an angel to remember a friend that passed. I bought a motorcycle for my husband this year.

I won’t bore you with a list of all the angels that are on our tree. I don’t know if I found them all but I just counted 16 more. We added red and white miniature lights. Seven red roses are spaced in various places.

A friend suggested I do a tree with masks for the celebration in New Orleans. Leprechauns for St Patrick’s day. Eggs for Easter. Firecrackers and flags for Independence day. All great ideas but I think the tree will come down after my father’s birthday.

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SCAMMED AGAIN

I admit that I have many “friends in high places.” Although I’m sure that they protect me from many things, they CAN NOT PROTECT me from everything. Nor do I expect them to. And I’m also sure that there are many times when they are involved in other things. Exactly what occurred on Monday I’m not sure. I had taken advantage of a snow free day to get some shopping accomplished. I left before noon, went to Wal-Mart, then Aldi’s and arrived at Costco in time to pick up my prescription. I’ll admit that I was tired. I don’t know if that was to blame.

Loading my car, I noticed white on the rear bumper of my red car. I wasn’t happy to see it and wondered where it had come from. Leaving Costco, driving down the road, a man in a car next to me honked his horn, over and over. “Hi don’t you remember me?” he said. “What are you doing here? I know you from the dealer where you bought your car. I was transferred up here to take care of my ill mother.” I did not remember him, was not interested in talking to him, but we were stopped for a red light.

“Did you see the white on your back bumper? Did you notice the dent on your front panel? How did it happen? Has anybody else been driving your car? ” I knew about the white on the bumper but HAD NOT NOTICED A DENT. “Follow me, I can fix it.” And stupidly I did. I wanted to see the dent on the front panel.

“I can fix that for you. It would cost more than a $1000 plus dollars for your bumper. I can pull out your dent.” Stupidly I DID NOT pull away from their car. After his associate did what (?), he thought I should reimburse them for the material he used. He COULD NOT take a check, he didn’t want to jeopardize his job. “Where was my bank? Did I have a credit card?” Stupidly I should have just started driving and let him jump out. Stupidly I gave him cash — $60.

When I reached home, we noticed that the front panel was coated with some sort of substance. It looked like turtle wax. There was more on the back tire. This morning, I noticed there was a film on the back panel of the car. More turtle wax?

I have to admit that I was ANGRY at myself for having fallen for the scam. I COULD NOT fall asleep that night. To make matters worse, when I looked at my watch at 5:00AM, it was black. Even though it had been charged before I went to bed, the charge was gone.

I’m wondering if they messed with my car when it was in the Costco parking lot. I’m wondering if they put white on my car. What about that dent? I’ll never know. I haven’t decided if I should mention it at Costco. I have decided that I’m going to be a bit more careful of where I park.

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PESTERED

I am extremely glad that I have a TEAM IN HIGH PLACES that “help” me with my life. I was reminded of the word “team” when this morning I watered my African Violet that “Muscles” gave to me more than 30 years ago. He has passed over and takes care of the plant because I seldom remember to water it.

There is more than one meaning to the word “help.” I have been aware for years that my writing passes an editor. If the thought ramble is acceptable, it is published. If it doesn’t — either changes are made or it is discarded.

Since I have had “help” for years, I am more aware of little things that alert me to the fact that I have had “help.” It might be something simple as finding the right product in the store, finding a GREAT SALE, or having someone appear when I need help. It can be an article in the paper or a magazine that I need to read. It can be a television program that is of interest to me. Recently turning on the television to check on programs coming on, I was surprised to listen to the viewpoint of a gentleman who is running for president. Another night I wandered onto a program of music by young musicians who wrote a song to honor his grandmother who had died of pancreatic cancer.

If I don’t have a thought ramble ready to publish, my life becomes extremely interesting. Not in ways that I choose. Recently I pulled a stack of 10 cookbooks out to look for suggestions of what to cook. I noticed that many of the choices where fish — shrimp, salmon etc. Chicken also played a high place in the choices. Since my husband has passed, I’ve expanded the recipes I’m making to include more vegetables.

My watch reminds me daily that I haven’t logged into My Fitness Pal to note the food I’m eating. A recent article in a magazine reminded me to log back in and track my menu options. Will I lose weight? That is a very good question. The answer is that I have many “friends” in both spheres that have my best interests at heart. I have added tracking my food at My Fitness Pal to the daily have to do list.

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FLOUNDERING

FLOUNDERING

Flounder — To struggle or plunge about awkwardly. Early in the morning the word came to me. First question — is it a word? Second – what does it mean? That accurately describes my feeling at the moment. Now I know that January has always brought depression in my life. Too many cold days, NO SUNSHINE — nothing to look forward to. Do I need to go on? This year is more difficult. I’m missing my mate. Even though it was cold last year — we had a date to meet friends for lunch, I was ordering his medicine, a date with the doctors was cancelled because it was 3 degrees and I didn’t think we should travel.

Thankfully it is not that cold YET. I know it is coming. Since the ice kept me in the house for a week in October, I’m not looking forward to cold, snow and ICE. `I hate to admit it but I HAVE NOT accomplished anything worthwhile in too long to mention. Television, magazines and stores are full of ideas to lose weight. It would not hurt me to lose a couple of pounds, okay maybe more than a couple but I don’t have the motivation. I DO NOT want to try any of the newest, hottest ways to lose weight nor do I want to try the old and proven. I have learned that I my body needs meat, vegan is not for me.

I planned to go the senior center for an art session and I did. I thought that it would be helpful to learn to draw. Sadly my hand was hurting on the day I went and drawing didn’t help it. It put my hand out of commission for a few days. My daughter asked me if I had fun and I honestly replied “no!”

I won’t bore you with the list of things I DID NOT WANT TO DO. Did that feeling pass? To be honest I don’t know. My stubborn spirit raised its head and I committed to activities that would help. I DID NOT GO CRAZY! No plans to “diet” or restrict my eating. No plans to use my time to organize the house. Instead I committed to two steps. First to walk more than 3,000 steps a day. Looking at my log, many days were under 2,000. Second: do Tai Chi every day. Of course, I also wanted to drink more water and get more sleep. I have been taking my blood pressure daily and the numbers were higher than I wanted.

A week has passed and I’m happy to acknowledge that I met both of my goals.

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BEFUDDLED AGAIN

I admitted that I finally realized that I walk to a different drummer. Over the last 25 years, since my father passed, I learned that I have crossed a bridge — I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK. Remembering when I was young, I wanted to be normal. The scars from the fire were very prominent and I had a hard time making friends. I don’t know if I ever was normal, I know I’m not now. AND I’M EXTREMEMLY GRATEFUL.

Over the last 25 years, I have received “help” from “my friends in high places.” I have become better at acknowledging their “help.” The second book I wrote JOURNEY WITH ME contains 29 stories of the lessons I’d learned. I have been writing this blog for over 5 years. Well over 400 thought rambles, each describing a “new” experience.

Why am I going on and on about this? Good question. This time I have an answer. January 6, Epiphany,
“Little Christmas” I planned to meet my youngest daughter at the airport to transfer her dogs who had kept us company for a week. I phoned the airline, actually spoke to a person because the computer could not find the flight. Disconnecting from the call, I checked to make sure the cell phone had kept the phone number. A message crossed the screen: “Jesus calling. I am Your Lord! Trust me. ” There were a few more words to finish the sentence but they disappeared quickly and I COULD NOT FIND THEM AGAIN. “AMAZED. BEWILDERED. DUMBFOUNDED.” There are no words to express my feelings. HOW? WHY? WHAT?

To say that it made an impression on me is an understatement. Since my husband joined my team at the end of October, my life has become even more interesting. Evidently he learned that I REALLY need “their help.” And he is up to the job. As much as I’m trying to be strong, I’m floundering.

Yesterday, I discovered a black and white cutout of a picture of my husband and our dog resting on his chest, on top of a purse. ?? Where did it come from? I was happy to find it.

Today from a stack of CD’s, I randomly picked “Alone In IZ World.” Brought back good memories. My first trip to Hawaii and Kawai was with my husband. We went to Pearl Harbor. His oldest brother was on one of the ships, thankfully surviving the attack. At 4:00 AM a rooster woke me to greet the sun. My husband got sea sick sitting in a restaurant watching the waves. I discovered IZ’s world. His songs have greeted me each time I have returned to Hawaii. The album contains “Over The Rainbow.” It also contains “In this Life I was Loved By you.” Popcorn tears! The album ends with IZ’s reflection on how important oxygen is to life and his embarrassment in connection to the tank.

THANK YOU!

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CALENDAR

I have the habit of using two daily calendars too try to keep track of my life. Not that it is extremely busy or very active. First I don’t have a paying job — no timetable to go to work or come home. Second, our life is not that active. We don’t belong to clubs or organizations which require time commitment. Until my husband’s health required more appointments with the doctors, there was really no reason to have a calendar. Let alone two. Of course, I noted special dates for our children and grandchildren — vacations, school performances, etc.

One calendar — My Inner Reflections is from the Self Realization Fellowship — Lovely photos, Inspirational writings by Paramahansa Yogananda. I discovered the calendar years ago at a bookstore that is no longer in business. I write my daily activities, important events.

The second calendar changes over time. A few years ago, I noted the food I consumed on a daily basis, hoping to help my weight. I have expanded the calendar to make it more useful. Now I use the monthly dates to note Dr. Appointments, scheduled events, blog titles, etc. I have been a team player for many years — single will be an adjustment.

My husband was sick in September and October — the months I normally remember to acquire new calendars. I bought my nutritional calendar at the end of October before his health took a turn for the worse. I didn’t pay too much attention to it — I wanted a monthly page and individual dates with enough space to write down my food log. Since it is a calendar that I use daily, I paid attention to where I put it. When I started using it in January, I was happy to learn that each week has an inspirational quote and a place to note things you are grateful for.

I ordered my Inspirational calendar later — in November. When it arrived I stuck it somewhere for safe keeping. It was so safe I COULDN’T FIND IT. New Years Eve it was still hidden. I don’t know why I pulled it out from its hiding place. It was not someplace I would have expected to find it. I was very glad that it surfaced when it did.

Just recently I paid attention to the photo on the cover. A single swan is swimming on a calm lake with a mountain in the distance. Swans mate for life. The photo is very significant for this year in my life. I have become a single swan swimming in a reasonably calm lake — reflecting either sunrise or sunset in the colors of the mountains and lake.

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LAND MINE

Loss of a family member is especially hard during the holidays. I made it through Thanksgiving, then Christmas and New Years. We left an empty chair at my husband’s place at the table on Thanksgiving. I cooked the traditional dinner, maybe more celery, onions and mushrooms in the dressing. We put up a Thanksgiving memory tree. Wreathes and lights went up on the porch. But no garlands. Lights and garlands were not on the stairs in the house either. I sent out a Christmas letter with the cards, sharing the news of my husbands passing to those I hadn’t phoned. The Wild Thing gorilla I bought for my husband celebrating his first cancer surgery now is wearing blue lights. The Nativity didn’t surface this year.

I made some cookies but not many. My husbands favorite I totally reinvented. Tasty but I hopefully won’t do that again. Of course, I don’t know if I will make those cookies again. For the most part, I haven’t made any of his favorite meals, except for biscuits and gravy for Christmas morning. Christmas Eve we normally have the family over. The holidays became very busy so our youngest daughter’s family wasn’t able to make it but our oldest daughter and her husband were able to come. I didn’t cook. We went out for Chinese instead.

I don’t know if survival mode was in session, that I was purposefully omitting things that would bring me pain. I’ve donated some of his stuff but his closet and dresser are still packed with his clothes. At the store, I avoid the men’s department. Of course, I’m not spending a lot of time in the woman’s department either.

Various things happen that alert me to the fact his spirit is with me. I will truthfully say that I wish I felt his spirit more often. EXCEPT WHEN THE BLOCKS ARE ON! My phone DID NOT pick up any messages on Christmas.

On New Years day I picked up one of our catalogues to look for a couple of items. Turning the pages, I saw MANY THINGS that I would have ordered for my husband. I wasn’t expecting the pain that generated in my body when I remembered he was gone.

I order a new Inspirational Calendar every year. I write my bible readings, Queen Of Heaven readings and daily happenings in it. I ordered it late this year and when it arrived I put it somewhere where it would be SAFE. It was so safe that I couldn’t find it. Finally on New Years Eve it surfaced. It was NOT IN A PLACE I would have looked. The second week of January has the message “Every night, sit still and ask yourself, “What have I done today.”

It has been two months since he passed, I’m not waking up from a bad dream. More difficult days are coming: The anniversary of my mother’s and brother’s death, my husband’s birthday, and my father’s passing. I’m NOT looking forward to my first trip to Woodhaven.

Anniversary’s are TOUGH! “WHAT HAVE I DONE TODAY?”

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FRIEND’S PASSING

The call that I had been expecting finally came. As a matter of fact, as soon as I heard in early November, that Sally, 97 years young, had breast cancer that was invading her body, I had been praying that God would take her home. Before she passed, I learned that every 45 minutes they were giving her morphine for the pain. Four days before her 98th birthday He took her home. And my prayer changed to “thank You.”

I was at home, with a functioning car. The weather was good, I was able to drive out to the suburbs for her wake. On the way, my car signaled low tire pressure. We have a membership at Costco and I had been using their service for my tire pressure problems. I’ll admit that the constant reminder about tire pressure was getting very old. The young man discovered a nail in the ditch of my tire. The location of the nail made it possible to fix the tire. When I asked where I should go to have the nail removed, I learned that Costco could do it. I didn’t have the time but I knew an appointment was in my future.

I had looked up the location of the funeral parlor and wrote down the address and phone number. I was glad I had the information with me. I didn’t have trouble finding the street but finding the funeral parlor was another story. After I had driven back and forth three times without success, I dialed the number. I learned that I had been looking on the wrong side of the street. Thankfully although the lot was PACKED, an empty space was waiting for me.

Sally was from Ireland, and had 10 children. The funeral parlor was overflowing with visitors. I didn’t stay very long. Before leaving, I stopped in the office to thank them for the directions.

The weather on the morning of the funeral was sunshine and blue skies. I didn’t park in our church’s lot because I thought the lot would be overflowing with cars. I didn’t plan to travel to the cemetery.

I had gathered some of my husband’s food items to donate to the open pantry that our church supports. Finding the location to drop them off became its own challenge. The space where the donations were stored was occupied by the Nativity. Asking a few people didn’t give me the answer. Thankfully I found the space in a room where the lecturers gather.

Sally’s sendoff was fitting for an Irish lass. They had arranged for bag pipes to play before and after the Mass. The priest who said the Mass had received very good stories from the family. He remembered Sally from the years he had served at our church in the 80″s. The songs were well chosen, the man who sang the Ave Maria had a beautiful voice.

Two days later, the frames for my bifocal glasses broke. Thankfully they had a similar frame at the eye doctor’s office and were able to fix them that evening. The broken frames reminded me of all of my husbands glasses and I was able to donate them at Costco when I arrived to have my tire fixed.

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LITTLE BY LITTLE

Celebrating the first holidays without the man of the house has been difficult. I will acknowledge that I am extremely LUCKY. I know I have “friends in high places” that “help” me with my life. I also know that my husband has joined the team. He “helped” me with my Christmas shopping. The present I found for my son was right on target. My son was VERY HAPPY when he saw the charger that works not only with electronic equipment, it also starts a car.

Before Christmas I traveled to our daughter’s house in Central Illinois. I took Robin with me. She cried when we stopped at the first rest stop. It was finally open after being closed for over a year for remodeling. I don’t know if she was tired of riding in the car, really had to go or hoping we would find “her man.” I stopped in to use the facilities and talked to the woman in charge. She had a major problem and I didn’t know how to help her. Her sister had lived with her for many years and recently passed. She had a blood clot in her lungs and was on a high rate of oxygen. She died without a will, insurance or having added her sister to her bank account. Her sister was responsible for paying the bills without the resources to do so. I suggested she try to get help from the minister at her church or the elected officials in her town. I was EXTREMELY glad that I wasn’t in her shoes.

As is my practice I stopped at Wal-Mart . While I was waiting in line to pay for my purchases, a veteran wearing a Desert Storm hat got behind me. As is also my practice — I started talking to him — I thanked him for his service and must have mentioned that my husband had recently passed over. He shared that he lost his wife eight years ago. “You know she is with you”, I replied. “Yes”, he replied. “She turns off the television regularly on me”. I really hoped “my team” hadn’t overheard that. When we returned home, I was watching the public station in Indiana. John Legend was soon talking on the program (??) Without my help the television changed to a regular channel, a program awarding individuals for their world wide service. I told the story to a friend of mine and she replied “You know who was ALWAYS changing the channels for you.” And she was right. My husband often watched more than one program at a time. “Thanks, honey.”

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RECOGNIZING SPIRIT

RECOGNIZING SPIRIT

Loss is a hard feeling to deal with. Especially when the person who has crossed over is very close to your heart. I am EXTREMEMLY LUCKY. When my father passed over more than twenty years ago, he sent me a message that he remembered me. I was alert enough at that time to recognize it. And that has made all the difference. Now I’ll admit that my mother has probably been active in my life for many years. But she was skilled in her activities. My father is skilled too, BUT IT WAS IMPORTANT TO HIM THAT HE LET ME KNOW HE WAS FINE.

I wrote once that I’ve crossed a bridge. Over the years I have received many lessons from my “spirit team.” I have detailed many of those experiences in my book JOURNEY WITH ME. In fact I was reminded of the book recently when I sent an e-mail to my family, giving them homework — to read a chapter a day or a week –to remind them how spirit interacts with our lives. Their grief was very visible.

Thankfully my husband also sent me a message after he passed. Thankfully he is often with me at home and when I am out and about. I recently crossed paths with a gentleman who is 102. He was shopping at the store, not using a cane or a motorized cart. He wants to live to be 105. That same day I met a woman who is taking care of her handicapped husband. They watched a movie together and he laughed. He thanked her. He was glad that he could still laugh. We talked for a short while. During the conversation she told me she saw her deceased father sitting in the back of a car. I saw the spirit of a dog who had recently passed run through our house but I don’t normally see things. I don’t “see” things when I meditate either. My daughter confirmed that I’m not visual.

I like to have presents under the tree for my family for Christmas. They don’t need to be large or expensive, just a little surprise. I wanted a present for our son. Nothing called his name when I was looking for a gift. He had already announced that neither of us needed anything. And he is right! That doesn’t solve my problem! Until my husband went shopping with me and I found the perfect present. It would have been perfect for my husband if he was still alive. Hopefully it will be perfect for my son.

When my husband was alive, shopping was NOT his favorite activity. Especially when I wanted to visit many stores. I don’t know if his feeling for shopping has changed but I love RECOGNIZING HIS HELP.

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