Halloween — a time of the year with many memories. Many are excellent, others are sad. On Oct 30, 2019 my husband went home to celebrate with some of his family. Oct 31, 2019, 3 1/2 inches of snow fell in Chicago. This year only 9 tenths of an inch of snow fell. I have to admit that I didn’t decorate. I don’t remember the last year we put out pumpkins and spiders.
Since this is the fourth year of his passing, I thought it would be EASIER. Who was I kidding? Sadly, I fell into a black hole and COULD NOT get myself out. It didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do. The world situation hasn’t helped — war, violence, politics. I have been avoiding television, especially THE NEWS. I’m not burying my head in the sand like an ostrich but other than pray, which I do, there is nothing I can do and adding to my stress doesn’t seem to be the way to go.
Sadly, when I’m depressed the memories that surface are not happy. Anything that is hurtful rises from the gloom. I do my best to chop off the heads of the invading thoughts, try to find happy places. Sometimes it works, often it doesn’t. Sometimes writing helps. I have been there many times before. Thankfully I have finally surfaced. I have no idea what worked.
I know many people who have lost their mates find new ones. They are lonely and need an arm to hold on to. I have NO DESIRE TO DO THAT. My husband was a GOOD MAN and I miss him. If he had been a drunk, a gambler, or a scoundrel, I might not be as sad.
Thankfully I live an interesting life and his spirit is often reminding me that he is here.
Wandering With Spirit 
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