Wandering With Spirit

I’ll admit that I knew something was going on. I just didn’t know what. Robin was EXTREMELY HAPPY when my son came home. She abandoned me! I wasn’t surprised. My youngest daughter had invited me to come to her house for thanksgiving, but I didn’t feel right leaving my son home alone. I planned to get a ham now that he was home and could bring it in. Then my youngest daughter suggested she and her family would drive up and join us. YEAH!

Before the cruise, I got my new covid shot and RSVP — Just to prepare for anything that might come home with him. He came home with a cold and decided he would shelter from our guests. I took extra vitamins. And planned for a meal that would now feed EIGHT. Robin would have more company too. Three more dogs would join the celebration. Our youngest daughter was gluten free now. I would NOT MAKE DRESSING. But many other staples would be on the table. I was very happy that I had gone through my art supplies. Both my oldest daughter and my grandchildren had new art supplies to play with.

I have kept our Christmas tree up and lit for four years now. I enjoy the lights, but the tree was starting to go DARK. New lights and a new angel were on my shopping list. I decided to stay with regular plates for dinner BUT NOT CHINA. I DID NOT TAKE OUT THE THANKSGIVING TABLECLOTH EITHER. Planned for FAMILY NOT COMPANY!

My oldest daughter’s husband took the ham in and out of the oven for me. My oldest daughter cut the ham. My grandson and youngest daughter stepped in to help. My grandson might be away at college next year. We had lots of food. THANKFULLY I HAD LOTS OF HELP. On Wednesday my left thumb became unusable. Let’s not talk about my knees or other body parts. It is surprising how much you use your thumb.

Friday morning, I was surprised to see a yellow stuffed duck sitting on the back porch holding a dog brush. I didn’t remember anyone having the duck. It was not one of Robin’s toys. NO ONE ADMITTED IT WAS THEIRS! Many years ago, my husband had a dog brush out on the back porch. The duck must have been out there too, stored in a metal canister that was laying on it side.

I don’t know what abilities the spirits on the other side have but I know a MAN WHO IS VERY TALENTED. Because of the duck and other happenings, I was sure something was going on. While my son was gone on his trip, I had a lot of help. My husband is often off with the other family when stuff is happening but this time, I felt like he was with me. I didn’t write down the little things that occurred but noted them at the time. I WAS VERY GRATEFUL.

DAWN FINALLY CAME on Saturday morning. On 11/23/2019 my family gathered to celebrate A GREAT MAN’S LIFE. I had forgotten. He had arranged for part of the family to be together on 11/23/2023 to celebrate FAMILY! I planned to go shopping so I invited him to come with me. I have to admit that I had a lot of human angels help at the store. I was tired at checkout and wished I would have help to unload the cart. The family in front of me had two grammar school age sons that were happy to help me when I asked. I bought new lights for the tree and a new angel for the top. The new angel is holding a rose. A good friend went home this month. Her name was Rosie. My new angel will remind me of her.

My mantra: LORD, WITH YOUR HELP, I can do it. My son was leaving for a well-deserved vacation — a cruise. Robin and I were staying home. I spent the summer with Robin in the country. I wasn’t worried except in the country I was able to travel. When I went shopping I could back the car up to the steps and unload it. Carefully transfer the purchases up the stairs, into the trailer. I could load dirty clothes into the car and drive to the Launder mat.

CITY–I could drive to the stores. I had to get the purchases out of the car in the garage, through the back yard and up the stairs. Before my son left, I went shopping and loaded up on the food I thought I would use. But I eat a lot of salads and I ran out. I went shopping to a store close to the house. I paid attention to the weight of the purchases. Before my son left, I had not planned on cooking for Thanksgiving, PLANS CHANGED WHEN MY OLDEST DAUGHTER AGREED TO COME FOR DINNER. I looked at the hams, but I realized what I needed was too heavy for me to get into the house. I decided to wait to buy the ham. I still had to transfer my purchases into three bags. I was able to get two bags inside when I returned, the third waited until the next day.

I washed my clothes before my son left but he was gone for 10 days. I DID NOT WANT HIM TO HELP ME WITH LAUNDRY WHEN HE CAME HOME. I found a net bag and tossed the clothes down from the second floor. I tossed the clothes down into the basement and carefully navigated the stairs. The net bag worked perfectly for getting clothes down, WASHED, DRYED, and back up. I practiced tossing. I didn’t want the weight to throw off my balance. A few years ago, balance issues caused me to fall. Robin was crying at the door upstairs when I came up. Was she worried?

I planned meals before he left and had needed food in the upstairs freezer. I thought I would order out but that didn’t happen. I made some of the food he didn’t care to eat, and many things that he would not eat. I had ahi tuna and totally enjoyed POKE.

I paid attention to plans for the day. Enjoyed reading and talked myself out of climbing. I took advantage of warmer days and cleaned up the back yard. I have a long staff that belonged to my husband and took him outside with me.

Our foyer was a mess of art bags all over the floor. I planned to organize it. Now there is an empty floor that we can easily walk on. I found 18 empty cloth bags stored, three yoga mats. Bags are going to a new home. So is a matt. I pulled some of the art supplies out to share with my grandchildren. ART MIGHT BE IN MY FUTURE. I have more than enough!

ALL IN ALL I WAS VERY PROUD OF MYSELF. I DID IT! I WILL ADMIT THAT I USED MY MANTRA MANY TIMES EACH DAY.

Halloween — a time of the year with many memories. Many are excellent, others are sad. On Oct 30, 2019 my husband went home to celebrate with some of his family. Oct 31, 2019, 3 1/2 inches of snow fell in Chicago. This year only 9 tenths of an inch of snow fell. I have to admit that I didn’t decorate. I don’t remember the last year we put out pumpkins and spiders.

Since this is the fourth year of his passing, I thought it would be EASIER. Who was I kidding? Sadly, I fell into a black hole and COULD NOT get myself out. It didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do. The world situation hasn’t helped — war, violence, politics. I have been avoiding television, especially THE NEWS. I’m not burying my head in the sand like an ostrich but other than pray, which I do, there is nothing I can do and adding to my stress doesn’t seem to be the way to go.

Sadly, when I’m depressed the memories that surface are not happy. Anything that is hurtful rises from the gloom. I do my best to chop off the heads of the invading thoughts, try to find happy places. Sometimes it works, often it doesn’t. Sometimes writing helps. I have been there many times before. Thankfully I have finally surfaced. I have no idea what worked.

I know many people who have lost their mates find new ones. They are lonely and need an arm to hold on to. I have NO DESIRE TO DO THAT. My husband was a GOOD MAN and I miss him. If he had been a drunk, a gambler, or a scoundrel, I might not be as sad.

Thankfully I live an interesting life and his spirit is often reminding me that he is here.

I recently wrote that I am trying to relax, trust GOD’S plans for my life, TRY NOT TO BE IN CONTOL. IT IS HARD! I planned to go out to the camper on Tuesday, today is Sunday and I am still in the city. My daughter saw something on my back that needed my doctor’s eyes. It delayed my return to the camper. Then I received word that a prescription was ready for pick up. My doctor had been busy. It was already late on Wednesday when that message came through. I decided that I would pick up the prescription on Thursday, head for the camper on Friday. DO YOU HEAR GOD LAUGHING?

Thursday when I picked up the prescription, I was told that the rest of my prescriptions would be ready for pickup on Friday. WHAT? The insurance had just released them for filling. AND I NEEDED THEM. I asked what time they would be ready for pickup. I was told after 1:00. Driving on a Friday on the expressways and tollways in the city requires courage. I decided I would wait until Saturday. DO YOU HEAR THE LAUGHTER?

I looked at the weather forecast for Saturday, I would have to be on the road VERY EARLY to beat the rain. STRONG STORMS were in the forecast. Television at the camper is dicey in bad weather. The temperature at night was predicted to be in the 40’s. The radiator in our house was warm this morning. Stay in the city another day? Why not? Then I saw that storms would continue on Sunday.

Friday, I journeyed to pick up my prescriptions. Waiting in line, I talked to a woman who had come to get medicine for her CAT. She was having trouble with her hands. I shared my knowledge of Terry’s Natural Nerve and Feet that was so helpful to me. Then I saw a woman giving out samples that I’ve known for a long time. Stopping to talk, she shared that she was stressed, she would have to sell her house because of taxes. She is older than me. I asked her if she had the senior freeze. When she said NO. I strongly suggested that she apply. There was a good chance she would be able to stay in her home.

Wandering on, I found two birthday cards for my granddaughter and her daughter. They share the same birthday. Mischief is a foot. I’m sure they will both laugh. Finally arriving home, I met a neighbor who I haven’t seen in a long time. When I walked Robin, I talked to both the man and his wife. Robin is too strong; I don’t walk her anymore. Therefore, I don’t see many of my neighbors.

Saturday I was concerned about the weather. My granddaughter was attending her first homecoming dance. Plans had been made for pictures outside. Storms? Rain was at the camper, coming into the city. My daughter lives further south in Illinois. Their area appeared to be DRY. I think I’ve mentioned that I love the weather app on my phone.

My phone was on the charger in the dining room. I was in the front room. I heard my phone tell me NOT TO WORRY, PRAY, DEPEND ON GOD. They had a beautiful day and night for the homecoming dance.

My youngest daughter invited me to a Woman’s Retreat in July. The retreat would be held in September, but I had time to think about it. At first, I didn’t think that I would be able to do it. My knees had been giving me problems. I knew the site for the retreat had many stairs to climb. I did not want to be a burden. But she reminded me how much I enjoyed the retreat, and we would have quality time together. I knew she was right.

When my daughter made the reservations, she mentioned my mobility restrictions. We were given a room that was close to the meetings, easily accessible by elevator. I was afraid my knees would be a problem. Thankfully that didn’t happen.

The retreat always had two breakout sessions. Since I’m no longer young, I was concerned I wouldn’t find anything of interest. By now I should know better. Paying attention to the subject matter, I found two sessions that were perfect.

The first Sesson was WILDERESSS. It highlighted the time spent in the wilderness by Abraham, Hagar, Elijah, Moses, Jesus and many more — some very familiar, others not as well known. “If we can bare our souls to a friend and not to GOD, we have a problem”. It highlighted time spent waiting, the loss and struggle, the unbelievable sorrow. We have permission to protest. It is important to invite others into our wilderness, we shouldn’t try to do everything by ourselves. Life often puts us in the wilderness in our own life. When my husband died, I was ANGRY. I was positive GOD would heal him. My husband DID NOT want to be a burden. GOD honored my husband’s request. It took a while before I honored my husband’s choice — GOD’S decision. There are still times when I’m back in the wilderness. I have always been stubborn. Some things don’t change — But I’m trying to be more accepting of God’s plan. When asked what prayer the presenter often relied on, she mentioned JOB. I knew exactly where she was referring too. That particular passage often popped up in my life.

REST was the second session. GOD rested after HE made the world. HE enjoyed what HE did and rested. When we rest, we acknowledge that we trust GOD to handle our life. It is important for us to plan for resting. Since I have aged, I find I don’t push myself as much. If I rest, I have more energy.

Through the years I have met many women at the retreat. I’ve learned that often I met someone who helps me, or I can help. This weekend was no exception. On Sunday, I saw some of my older friends. I’m ready for the next weekend — If I maintain my health.