Wandering With Spirit

Sadly the daily news reports the number of new deaths caused by the virus. The numbers continue to grow as do the reports of small funerals and people passing alone. I might have finally come to grips with the fact that I wasn’t present when my husband passed. When we crossed the bridge from the wound center to the emergency room, I felt my husband left. He didn’t speak in the hours that we waited in the emergency room. Was he asleep? Was his spirit already leaving? I’ll never know the answer to those questions.
And does it really matter? Both his son and daughter kept vigil. My son told me that he was glad I wasn’t there.

I’ve written that I’m extremely fortunate that I have interactions with the other side. My husband sent me a message the morning that he had passed. I was too upset to realize it at first. My colored pens were missing. I looked, and looked and LOOKED without success. I finally opened a box that contained pens I hadn’t used in a while. The box contained something even more important. It had a message from my husband that accompanied a butterfly wrapped in a red silk pouch.. This represents a: Life, b: endurance, c: hope, d: and change.

I don’t remember how many days passed before I realized that he had sent me a message. I wasn’t expecting him to die. My children were. His health and vitality diminished every day. I was praying that God would heal him and He did. Just not in the way I had expected.

This thought ramble will publish after my anniversary of beginning to write Wandering With Spirit. I am EXTREMELY LUCKY. Days, months pass for many who have lost loved ones without any interaction. Thankfully a day or two might pass before I’m aware of “their help.” My husband has joined my “team.” The “team” is composed of my mother, brother and father. My husband has joined them and just possibly leading the way. I don’t know how many of my other relatives and friends are involved from time to time. And I would be ungrateful if I didn’t include the dogs and cats that are probably there too.

I have to admit that I am EXSTREMELY DISPLEASED with myself. I have gained weight and can not seem to lose it. I have lost my ability to walk for a mile. Although I have committed to reversing these problems, I’m not quickly seeing results. I’ve mentioned that I wrote about my introduction to “help” from the other side in my book JOURNEY WITH ME. (Sadly I’ve looked for it on line without success.)

The other day it fell onto the floor. I opened it to THE PROJECT. And laughed. In the Project, I replaced the hatch on our roof that had rotted leaving in rain and snow. I DO NOT HAVE CARPENTER ABILITIES. It took more than THREE DAYS and many trips to the lumber company before it was finished. In the story, I kept repeating that I was not like my father. I didn’t have his skill, his abilities. When I accomplished the task, it ended with “I’m like my father.” and I laughed.

My youngest daughter’s comment was “hugs from heaven” when I shared the story. My husband has confidence in me. I’M TRYING.